Fighting for Feminism.

Photo credit: K. Sawyer Photography / Foter / CC BY-NC

Photo credit: K. Sawyer Photography / Foter / CC BY-NC

A lot of women don’t label themselves as feminists. Sometimes it’s because they don’t know what it means to be a feminist, they think it makes them a man-hater, a hairy hippy or whatever the media has taught them a feminist is, but I’m starting to think there might be another reason women don’t call themselves feminists, at least in a public setting; it’s HARD to be a feminist. It’s not hard to declare that you believe in gender equality, that’s easy but something else happens when you make that declaration to others, they go on the defensive: they change the way they talk to you, act towards you, you have to explain yourself, explain your beliefs, your views, over and over and over again. On a good day, the person you’re talking to will say “Oh, that’s cool, I never thought of it that way”  On a REALLY good day you might hear “I guess I’m a feminist too” but that’s a rare gem. Most of the time it turns into a debate, where everything you believe in is questioned and you have to defend yourself, try to explain, talk until you are blue in the face. Sometimes, I just get beat down I say, “This is who I am, I’m not trying to change you, just show you that there is more to it than you think” and I walk away, I am never proud of myself in these moments, but one can only go on for so long. I’m left feeling worn down, ready to give up, wondering why I continue to fight this fight.

The last time I found myself in this situation I decided to try something different. I was in a large (ish) group of people, and questions were firing at me from all sides. I had had a glass of wine so I felt confident enough to answer with full force, and while a few people in the room seemed to be on my side, I was the only one speaking. I took a deep breath, I collected myself and I asked, “How many women are in this room?”

There were 14, including myself.

So I said, “I am a feminist because at least 7 of them women in this room will be victims of physical or sexual violence in their lifetime”

The room fell silent.

I added “This is a bare bones statistic that doesn’t account for the fact that most rapes go unreported. I am a feminist because I don’t want to live in fear, and I don’t want my daughters to have to live in fear either.”

At first, there was more silence. But after a few moments, the mood of the room started to change, people started to understand. Violence against women is not going away, it’s not dwindling and it affects everyone in some way or another. I’m not saying that this approach to fighting for feminism will work every time, because I know that it won’t, but keep this statistic in your arsenal, try it out the next time you feel cornered defending your beliefs, pull it out. Maybe it will help, just keep fighting, keep marching on, because this fight is far from over.

Does this Smell like Chloroform to you?

HAL101-NS+Dalhousie+FacebooI’ve been reading a lot about the Dalhousie University scandal lately, it’s been pretty hard to ignore. While I’ve found that people that I’ve spoken to about it, and public feedback online, people seem to be generally outraged by the actions of these students, I’m finding that the whole issue is being downplayed by the media. Sure, they’re reporting on the goings-on, but in general the details of what these men did is being glossed over. So far I have read that these men allegedly posted “misogynistic comments”, that these 13 men “allegedly belonged to a controversial Facebook group”, and that they’ve made comments that were “offensive” or “unacceptable”. Of course the best one I posted on the Facebook page yesterday in which Globe and Mail columnist Margaret Wente came to these men’s defence, trivializing what they did as a “stupid, juvenile mistake”.

Blut, let’s get things straight here, the things that were ‘allegedly’ posted in this Facebook group were not normal comments made by a group of young men. These comments and posts are violent, threatening and disturbing. Polls were posted with names of their fellow female students urging the members of the group to choose “which one [they] would hatef–k”.  A photo of a woman in a bikini was posted and captioned “Bang until stress is relieved or [she is] unconscious. So called jokes were made about drugging their fellow students with chloroform and nitrous oxide. I don’t know if this point has been made clear in other arenas, but I really want to drive this home: These men were fourth year dentistry students, meaning that during clinical studies they had access to these drugs. To me, their easy access and professional aspirations make these heinous actions so much worse. Who is to say that these were empty threats, comments without intent? It doesn’t feel that way to me.

Today, the media released an open letter written anonymously from some female dentistry students condemning the university’s use of “restorative justice”. The 13 men in question have been suspended from their clinical studies, which temporarily prevents them from graduating but, so far, that’s it. What does it say to women seeking an education if men are so freely able to say and do such unspeakable things with no consequences? And to people that challenge this, to people who think it was a juvenile mistake: Would you want to be sedated by a dentist who made threats to rape women while unconscious? Think about it. I know I wouldn’t.

It’s not a Compliment, it’s Harassment.

Image by Ursa Eyer from

Image by Ursa Eyer from

Lately I’ve been hearing a lot of people, some men and some women, complain when a woman says they do not like getting compliments from strangers, or that they feel fearful when being catcalled on the street. I’ve heard men say something like “it’s a sign of the times that women can’t take a compliment” or “maybe he was just trying to be nice” etc. It worries me just how many people think that it’s okay to treat women this way, but then I think “Can we blame them?” Street Harassment is everywhere; in cartoons, in television shows, movies, commercials, advertising; it must be alright, right? Women love it!


Women should be free to go out in public and be left in peace, we should have the ability to leave our homes without unwanted attention from strangers. It doesn’t feel good to be called beautiful by a strange man, it is terrifying. I don’t want someone to thrust their groin at me while I walk down the street because I don’t know that he will stop at just grinding the air, I don’t know that he won’t try to rape me. I don’t want a stranger to whistle at me or call me a degrading name, I don’t know where his actions will end.

For example; I work out in the country, and I mean IN the country, no street lights or even any light pollution, I carry a flashlight to my car after work to be able to see my way there. I serve drinks in a restaurant/bar and usually our clients are nice well mannered people who have a drink or two and head home, not too many people come to this particular establishment to drink until they pass out. A couple of weeks ago, there was a man sitting at the bar, I hadn’t been serving him, but he was beginning to show signs that he was becoming intoxicated. He asked me my name, which isn’t an uncommon occurrence, so I gave it to him, he started to ask me some other personal questions which I dodged around and avoided answering, so far it was ok. But, then he told me my name was beautiful, that I had gorgeous hair and nice eyes; then I started to get scared. Then he asked me if I had a boyfriend, I answered yes, “that’s too bad” he retorted. Now I could feel my hands begin to shake and I was desperately seeking my exit strategy. I hurriedly went to serve my tables, but every time I walked behind the bar he would say something else, or ask me another question, “Where are you from?” “I’m local” I would answer, as to avoid telling him where I live. “You’re a really pretty girl…”  “thank you” I would reply, but I really wanted to say was, I am a woman, and please leave me alone. But, I can’t upset a paying customer. Eventually he left, but I was set off for the rest of the night, I was terrified. What’s to be scared of? You might be thinking, well, here’s the answer. I was afraid that when I walked to my car that night in the pitch black darkness, he might be waiting for me. I was afraid he would drag me off into the field and do goodness knows what to me, and there would be no way I could stop him, and there would be no one around to see, and no one for me to call out for help to. In the end, I was of course fine, and maybe he was just trying to be nice to me, I had to spend the rest of that day scared out of my mind that something could happen to me. I went home that night opened up my laptop to research whether or not I could carry pepper spray or even bear spray in my bag (turns out, I can’t). So, in the future when someone says they don’t like being catcalled or whistled at on the street, don’t think that they can’t take a compliment, realize that it instills a fear of so much more. Realize that men don’t have a right to make you feel uncomfortable or afraid to walk a certain route, or petrified to walk to your car in the dark. We own our bodies, and no one else.



For more perspective check out this great video, outlining the dangers of street harassment, including the experiences of a Miss America contestant. Please note there are descriptions of sexual assault and use of strong language in the video.

So, We had an Election on Thursday…

On Thursday a mere 52.1% of registered voters in Ontario set out to choose their favourite Candidate for the premier of Ontario, and after the results came in, it was revealed that the people of Ontario had picked Kathleen Wynne to lead our province for the next four years (or until another election is called).

This election seemed to be rather controversial, even more so than usual. Liberals were unhappy with their leader, Conservatives were unhappy with their leader, New Democrats were unhappy with their leader, everyone was just unhappy and it seemed to be a choice of the least evil candidate. There were attack ads left, right and centre, and people were slamming opposing candidates for their policies like they were felons, sometimes it seemed like more of a boxing match than an election. In the aftermath, some people are angry, some people are pleased, some people are relieved, some people seem as though their life is over, but I’m feeling something different than any of these things.

Now, of course I know better than to show any political bias on the internet, I’m not asking for a fight, and I am not revealing even a lean towards who I supported, but I think this election needs to be celebrated. We should celebrate because there were a record 145 women running for office. We should celebrate because in all the attack ads no one had a problem with the fact that both NDP leader Andrea Horwath or Liberal Leader Kathleen Wynne are women. We should celebrate because Kathleen Wynne’s sexuality was an is a non-issue. We should celebrate because this election is in fact an historic one, making Kathleen Wynne the first elected premier of Ontario, the first openly gay premier of Ontario AND the first elected openly gay head of government in the Commonwealth or anywhere in the English speaking world. Political opinions aside, that is amazing. Ontario is moving beyond tolerance and into a world where it simply doesn’t matter, it matters so little that hardly anyone has even taken note of the significances of Ms. Wynne’s victory. All candidates were viewed the same regardless of gender and sexuality and that is something to be celebrated. So for a moment, let’s all of us put our political opinion aside (I know it’s hard, believe me) and celebrate the significance of last Thursday, and hope that it has set a path for people of all genders, races, religions and sexualities.




By now, we all know about Elliot Roger. We know about his youtube videos, his 137 page manifesto, and we know about his end, we know about his killing spree and his own death as a result. What happened at the University of California, Santa Barbara was a tragic display of misogyny, violence against women, and the actions of a man who was clearly unstable. I won’t go into detail because it’s easily found on the internet (this is a great article with a timeline outlining all the events leading up to Friday’s tragedy) but in case you are unaware, Elliot Roger was an active member of MRA (Men’s Rights Activists) groups, and seemed to be generally angry that women wouldn’t sleep with him, I don’t want to give him a lot of attention because he doesn’t deserve it, in fact I don’t even like using his name, but what I do want to talk about is what good has come out of this, #Yesallwomen.

Yes I know it’s just a hashtag, a spree of tweets that are trending on Twitter, why is it important? It’s important because it’s a group of people coming together in a public forum to say that there is something wrong with society’s treatment of women. Not just western society either because in fact, it’s a worldwide problem. While, of course, we have many advantages here in the west that women in other parts of the world have, women here will still be blamed for being raped, they will still be harassed on the streets, they will still be paid less than their male counterparts at work, they will still be groped and touched in ways they didn’t ask for, they will be the butt of jokes because they have a menstrual cycle, they will still be the victims of domestic violence. I’ve had many people tell me that they think the women’s rights movement is over, that there’s nothing left to accomplish. Women who tell me they aren’t feminists because they don’t believe in oppressing men, or that they like shaving their armpits. The unfortunate reality is every single woman will experience “harassment, discrimination or worse at some point in their lives.”  Yes you read that right, quoted right from CNN.

Every. Single. One. 

I don’t know about you, but that’s hard for me to read. I’m a self proclaimed, scream it from the rooftops feminist and I’ve never thought of it that way. I have two daughters and it terrifies me to think what they will face in their lives simply because they were born female. I want them to grow up in a world that treats women the same way it treats men, but it seems so out of reach, like it’s a pipe dream. How will we achieve this? Do we talk to our daughters? Do we raise them to be strong independent women who can take on the world all by themselves? Well of course we do, and we’ve been doing so for generations, but I think there’s something we aren’t doing, talking to our sons. Now hear me out here, because I know that most parents teach their sons to be kind to girls and women, not to hit them, or touch them when they don’t want to be touched. I think that most parents teach their teenage sons who may be approaching their first time that “no, means no”. But what I wonder? Do parents teach their sons not to say things like “you throw like a girl”, do we teach them not to call girls sluts or skanks just because of their outfit? Do we teach them that girls are just as smart, just as strong, just as capable? I don’t know, I don’t have a son. But I hope that our generation of parents can teach our sons more about our daughter than just not to touch them if they don’t want it, though of course that’s a valuable lesson too. If you have a son who is old enough to understand, park them in front of twitter for 15 minutes or so, have them read some of these tweets, show them how to understand, we can’t change if we don’t educate.

That said, it seems that some men are feeling marginalized by the #Yesallwomen movement, but the feminist movement is not about women rising up and squashing men, it’s about the search for equality, we just want and deserve the same treatment as a man gets. I think this was well summed up by a tweet I saw while I spent over an hour reading some #yesallwomen tweets.

I don’t think it can be said better than that. Here are a few more #Yesallwomen tweets that stood out for me, spend some time and read a few more on Twitter, do a little reading, tweet your own reason why we need #Yesallwomen, because we definitely need it, maybe more than you think.